Year: 2023

The year is 2023, and I’m reminiscing.

This is the future for 17 year old me.

It feels like I’ve lived a thousand lives and met a million people. I think back on some of the things I’ve done, people I’ve met, where I’ve been and it feels like I’ve lived for a hundred years!

Lol.

I wonder what living for a hundred years will feel like.

I scroll through my contact list, I see the names of people I’ve met, spoken with, worked with, learnt with and now no longer speak to and I wonder if then, I imagined a present like the one I currently live in.

And I did not. I don’t think I ever did.

But do I like this present? I think it’s okay, really.

Compared to all the experiences that led here? I think it’s okay for real. And I’m happy. Heck, I’m grateful. I’m even currently smiling.

Two days ago, I had a friend scold me for saying that I was tired.

And I was, but not in the sense that my Nigerian Mother will reject in Jesus name, or the sense that my friend scolded me for.

I am tired. Tired of anticipating and envisioning the future that I want. And this “future” seems far beyond my reach the more I hope for it.

I’m in medical school, most of my teenage years have been walled off by the institution of learning. I don’t want it to take my 20s toooooo!

But… but.. what exactly is out there in the world? You might ask.

Na wetin I wan see gan gan.

I keep thinking to myself that there are many possibilities for my life that I’m not living and experiencing because I’m in medical school.

I’m living in my head and living in my possibilities.

I could be this, but medical school. I could be that, but medical school.

Every single day. I feel like medical school is one inconvenience I cannot wait to get over. Hence, the tiredness.

Maybe my friend was right to chastise me over that, maybe, maybe not.

But I’ve learnt.

It feels like I’ve lived a thousand lives, done a thousand things, and yet I still hope for a “big picture” that is yet to be unveiled.

I’m so fixated on that picture, waiting for it to happen. Waiting for the day I get to live the life of my dreams.

Live my corporate girlie life, take my friends shopping, get huge gift hampers for my man, send my mom on destination trips.

The year is 2023, I remember. 6 years ago, this was not the future I dreamed of.

But the experiences that made me? Good enough. The stories I can tell? Amazing!

The year is 2023 and I’m tired. Tired of imagining what life will look like 10 years from now, 15 years from now.

I’m tired of anticipating the day I’m loosened from the shackles of medical school.

Lol. I’ve not lost hope. I’m still hopeful, but I don’t want to spend my present living in the future.

I don’t want to live so fixated on the future, I cannot enjoy my present.

I don’t want to spend my present counting the seconds till the picture is unveiled.

And I’m not even certain what the picture looks like! Sigh.

Knowing what will come or not, anticipating the future or not, the future will still come.

Hence, I’ve chosen to rest. To live in my present and stack up even more pleasant experiences.

And for that 17 year old girl, I think her future turned out okay.

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Medium will not let me clap for my own story. So, help me.🤲🏻